Taking stock

It's been more than a year since my last post here. Wow. Reading through my entire blog is just... well... humbling. I was on a journey to find space for myself and to be healthy inside and out in the face of incredibly stressful circumstances. I noticed that my blog pretty much fell off shortly after I went back to work at my law firm because that was also the end of the space and time to explore yoga/exercise, meditation and raw food the way I had previously. And those 3 elements were really limbs of the chair I was perched precariously on...

To catch up, Mark passed away on April 7, 2009 - almost 3 months ago. And while our marriage was really not much of a marriage for the last 2 years, he was still the center of my universe and the only father my children ever really knew. I hated him, loved him, resented him, cared for him, cried on him, yelled at him, and wished him away nearly every day and that was my world for so very long... I was stuck in place and I could blame all of that "stuckness" on him.

Now, he's gone. I can't yell at him, cry on him, resent him, wish him away or ignore him. He just isn't anymore. He's memories now. And that's so strange... and where does that leave me now? I'm just starting to try to fit the pieces of myself back together. And this journal reminded me to go back to those three reliable and sturdy limbs for support. That they will help me get to a safe and happy place. They will clear the cobwebs and calm the intense pain and loneliness inside me.

Tomorrow I promise to put myself first. Tomorrow I promise to treat my body with kindness, respect and abundant love. Tomorrow I promise to start fresh...