Ambition

So I've finished my first week back at my law firm and it seems appropriate to post about what's been on my mind this week. Ambition. While I was working at home this past year on a mostly full time schedule, my focus was definitely not on work at all. It was a filler - a place holder - a pay check. My focus was clearly and solely on the children and the house, Mark's illness, and my health. Now, things have shifted dramatically. I'm not sure if other working women feel this, but I find that my ambitious self - the one vying for promotions and kudos at work, the one that thrives on speaking events, brief writing and oral motions, is almost a separate person from the one I bring home at night. The two Cindys don't really seem to co-exist in a single body. It's like I have to shut one off to let the other one thrive. And I think most of the time, the ambitious Cindy is frightening to me because it seems to require that I lose all interest in my family and pursuit of a higher self. I know that sounds very black and white. Which is why I'm writing it. To try and find some middle ground. A happy medium where my ambitious self and my mommy, earthy self can happily share a single weary body. To somehow find that elusive balance between a successful career and being an effective, soulful mom and human being. We'll see how that goes.

What I'm proud of today:
Drinking about 24 oz of green lemonade with aloe (trying to wash away the anxiety of this past week in a sea of green). I'm alone at home with the kids this weekend and I want to cherish the time.